living victory of beauty

 

 

Hmmm, I have to study for my exam on Monday but I’ll write this…

I just woke up from a dream. It was a sad.

there was this woman who I met I think we were applying for the same job not sure but we were in like a waiting room and I got the thing I came for and she didnt.and I knew she wasn’t going to get it. She was fragile, had dark colours and shy. She smiled though and had a beautiful heart.

Then I found myself at her house. I didn’t get there with her I just remember being in her house. The house was cold. You know how you would put your shoulders up and tense when its cold…well the house caused this reaction not because of the actual temperature but the feeling in the air. So I was feeling tense and yet I was drawn to this woman. I spoke to her and found out that she was being abused by her husband/partner - can’t remember if they were married. It was like she didn’t know that she was being abused. To her this was normal. She was kinda happy, well not happy but she wasn’t sad when I was speaking to her perhaps it was cause someone else was in her house. I guess she felt like she had a visitor. I remember saying “you know what he’s doing to you?…he’s basically like taking a knife and constantly piercing you then drawing the knife down to make an even bigger scare.” she was naive to what I had just said, I think all she was concerned about was that she had a visitor. I remember realizing that I’m not scared being here or feel like I’m judging her, that’s probably why she game me “the time of dayâ€?. I felt like she could be anyone of my friends that nothing really made me any different from her apart from knowledge. So I had my drink. We were standing in the kitchen. Then I went over to the guy and I sat down with him. I didn’t feel any hate or…? It was like having a conversation with any tom dick and Harry. I remember thinking that didn’t feel scared but I stopped thinking that just incase thinking about would make me feel scared.

We spoke about her and he was disgusted about the fact that she didn’t get the thing that we went to get. Actually, she didn’t tell him that she didn’t get it she just said that they’d let her know which was a lie. She just couldn’t tell him. For some reason it was common knowledge that they would tell you straight away what the verdict is so he was disgusted that this was the case for her.

I remember saying  “you know what you’re doing to her right?…you’re basically like taking a knife and constantly piercing her then drawing the knife down to make an even bigger wound. Your looks and stares, your words ands spits, your touch….”

“She is beautiful and you cloth her in ugliness because that is all you see. She becomes that and everyone sees her that way because of you. And know she can’t get anything because she is seen like you see her…with hate and disgust. You are hurting yourselves by hurting her because you won’t get anything back like this “thing” that you needed” 

I remember thinking that this man is angry. He is full of hate and resentment and does not know what love is, he does not know how not to be resentful. His actions are simply a reaction to the pain inside?

I remember deciding that I’m going to be his therapist (I was a bit worried thinking I need to get cameras etc)

The funny thing is that all this action felt normal to me. Acting to speak to the woman that felt normal. Telling her how beautiful she is, that felt normal. Going to speak to him was scary but that felt normal. Deciding to be his therapist that felt normal. None of these things…I didn’t have to sit down and weight the risks. I didn’t think about my wellbeing as such. Yea I was scared talking to the man but the action went ahead of my fear. I didn’t think of my kids or my husband (don’t know if I was married in my dream yet) I just remember just moving through it all.

All she needs is a friend who won’t judge her or feel disgusted by her. Who comes to visit her and that makes her feel normal. All he needs is love. That is powerful but was I willing to give that to him…I don’t know 

 Scary thing…! Although this was just a dream…I searched for the stats on the net. I wanted to know the reality if the unreal dream …”Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.”

I want to fight for such a woman. I want to fight for her to the extent of actually doing something. That is the biggest battle. I want to fight for her cause that what Love did, hats what Love would do and I am an extension of Love. Just to visit her to make her feel normal. Can you imagine, when you visit her it’s like she’s never been assualted, like she’s never been raped - physically or emotionally. She doesn’t even understand what hurt is for that moment. A moment of hope.

I look at myself. I pray for these people. I cry for them. I am angry at such an assault, a rape to them, both the man and the woman. I cry and I ask God to help them. I cry cause I realize that He is in so much more pain than i. i ask for God to help them cause He wants to so much more than I do. I pray for “good” people to surround them. And then I look at myself and the question is asked…”what are you doing?” I am so busy with nothing!!!I really don’t give a damn.if I did my life would be so much different. Maybe I do care but not enough to do something…”actionâ€?. I choose my, what may seem like meaningless business over the hearts of the heart. I think I am “good” people but…?

I want to take that “but” away and have no “but”. Bringing myself to action, bringing myself to love because that’s what love is. Love is action

for God so loved the world that he gave, he moved into action and gave of himself, he gave his only son, that whosoever believed in him should not perish by being destroyed by hate, guilt and shame but have eternal life, life that is free, life that is free from hate, disgust, assault and rape of mankind, life that if full, life that is alive

May God help as…He has given all things…may we help ourselves by helping each other

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 20th, 2007 at 12:46 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.